Feeling lost

Today I am feeling lost. So much of my identity and my relationships with people centers around alcohol. I think that is part of the reason why I failed yesterday and drank. The large majority of my family and friends don’t understand shy I am doing this. They think I am really not that bad. They don’t see me falling down drunk all the time and so that must mean that I don’t have a drinking problem, right? My friends saw me really upset yesterday about my step daughter and encouraged me to drink. Mod course, only my husband and a couple of friends know that I am trying to stop drinking and get sober. Neither my hubby or my girlfriend tried to stop me yesterday. And not that they should be the ones to tell me to stop, but a stern look or an “are you sure you want to do this” may have helped me to take a step back and make a healthier decision.

That being said, I think I struggle because nobody in my life really wants me to stop drinking. Even my husband drinks every day, and my friends basically drink whenever we get together. Either imam not cut out for this, or it’s going to be a very lonely road for me. Jeez, listen to me with my little pity party!! So not wanting to sound like a whiny ass, but it’s how I am feeling right now. Maybe I should check out AA – at least I would get to know some like minded people.

So now I guess I start
with the rock at the bottom of the hill. I have to get busy pushing that thing!


3 thoughts on “Feeling lost

  1. Jessie,

    I could not imagine staying sober without some sort of support system, especially early on. I strongly encourage you to consider an AA meeting. What I learned early on is that there are always going to people, places, and circumstances that come up that will be the “trigger” for me wanting to drink. What I like about AA is that all those folks have been through exactly the same issues as everyone else – things like the pool party, the step-daughter, and so forth.

    You are no starting back down at the bottom fo the hill. You had 10 days of sobriety and you said things were going well – you had that experience that no one can take away from you.

    Check out AA – what I heard early on is that if you make a commitment to attend 90 meetings in 90 days, or even just give it a shot for one week – then if you find AA does not work for you, all of the bars and liquor stores will still be open and out there for you!


    • Robert, thank you very much for your kind words – I think I’m going to try to get to a meeting this week and see how it goes. I love the blogs because I can relate to so many of you on so many levels, but it sure would be nice to have a support system “in real life,” as well.

  2. Aww Jess, it’s okay. I slipped up a couple of times, but each slip just solidified my decision to get sober.

    There’s a lot of people who won’t get your decision to quit, so what. Screw ’em. You do what’s right for YOU not them. You want to be sober to be a fully present mom (and many other reasons), plus you want to slay your tri.

    I found AA very helpful when I quit. Just being in a room of people who understood and who want to help. There are other recovery type meetings too if you live in a large city. I think I have a link for group options on my contact page, plus a link for what to expect at AA.

    Hang in there… So you fell down. Get up and dust yourself off. xx

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