As the title of my post states, today is a good day! I’ve been busy from 5am until right now – 8:30pm, and staying busy is good for keeping me sober. I woke up at 5, did my “30 day ab challenge” (day 19!), showered, had breakfast with my boys, and then worked all day. Picked up my son, dropped him off at my mom’s and then DH and I went to the gym and worked with our trainer, who kicked our asses all over the place! But it is a good kind of pain – after all, who really needs to lift their arms over their heads, anyways? As far as training goes, tomorrow I will run 5k before work. Wednesday is bike day (my favorite) and Thursday is my first open water swim. YUCK! I’m terrified of creatures lurking in the water, and seaweed wrapping around my ankles freaks me out big time. But I can’t very well be a triathlete if I’m petrified of open water swimming.
On the sobriety front, today I feel great. I don’t really struggle too terribly much during the work week when I’m busy unless friends drop by and want to drink. It’s the weekends that kill me. I used to drink every single day to the point of being seriously shit faced as I put my son to bed. Since training for my triathlon and century ride, I’ve significantly limited my alcohol intake on a daily basis, but seemed to make up for it on the weekends. 37 year old moms should NOT be binge drinkers. My 4 year old son shouldn’t fill out a Mother’s Day card at preschool (entitled “20 things about my mom”) and answer the question “What’s my mom’s favorite drink” with “wine.” He shouldn’t grow up in a house where drinking is normal and expected. He shouldn’t be subjected to mom and her friends getting completely drunk and ridiculous where they are flashing each other, grabbing asses, smoking cigarettes, sobbing and crying, and then puking. Seriously, don’t I owe it to my child, my family, myself, to be a better version of the current me??
But because I no longer drink every night, all of my friends and family say that I don’t really have a problem.
Here’s why I have a problem. Here are the things I’ve done while drunk:
Cheated on my husband, driven drunk (even when my son was with me), threw a dirty diaper at my husband and told him that I hate my life (I don’t even remember this one!), have showed my boobs to entirely too many people in too many bars, drunk texted co-workers, yelled at my son for being a kid, got a little too friendly with a girl that I just met at my best friend’s holiday party (and made an ass out of myself), jumped into a pool wearing only my underwear in front of my subordinates, etc etc….I could go on and on about how horrible I am when drunk.
I need to keep reminding myself of these horrendous things when the urge to drink strikes me. Because, yes, I can just have a drink or two and walk away from it for a day or so. But more often than not, one or two isn’t enough, and three or four sound better, and then I turn into the fucking devil.