Well, it seems like I’m starting to realize how different I am from my family, friends, coworkers with my newfound sobriety. Last weekend, I had a girlfriend cancel on my to do something with another friend (who is a big drinker), despite the fact that she kept sending me passive aggressive text messages about how much she misses our time together. Then this weekend, I was supposed to get together with my cousin, who is also one of my very closest friends, and I was so excited because we were planning a girls date night – dinner and then a trip to the coffeehouse for some organic lemonade with rose water (yum!). But then she cancelled on me as well. She is also a pretty big wine drinker, and I’m starting to wonder if maybe, just maybe, I’ve become boring to my boozing buddies.
And then, I’ve never really fit in at work, since I’m a woman in a very heavily male dominated industry. I’m in sales, so of course, we are all big drinkers. That’s what we do – we work hard and we play hard. Well, since becoming sober, the ONLY thing that I really had in common with these people is now gone. And I feel like I’m on an island. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not even remotely thinking about going back to my old ways, but I’m really starting to feel so very different from the people in my life.
Maybe different isn’t so bad? Hell, last night was Friday night. I played in the pool with my son and husband, and out of the blue, at 7:30pm, I decided to get out and go for a run. Prior to becoming sober, I would never have been able to do that because by 7:30pm, I would have been shitfaced. It feels great to NOT WASTE SO MUCH TIME. It feels GREAT to be awake at 6am and to feel amazingly clearheaded and full of energy. It feels great to not look at my phone and say, “Oh shit, who did I drunk text last night?” It feels great to feel great!
So why do I feel so lonely?