Tomorrow, I will have passed the 30 day mark. I told my hubby that I would be buying myself some new workout clothing to celebrate. I’m not exactly doing cartwheels, I guess because it hasn’t been too terribly difficult, aside from the few false starts that I had in the beginning. I feel like I’m just SO sick and tired of the cycle of drunkenness, shame, resolve, and broken promises. This time, I’m doing this. I’m doing it for me and I’m doing it for my family. I’m tired of the person that I was, and I mourn my 20s and much of my 30s where I basically wasted time on the fucking bottle. Yes, I was on vacation this past week, and when everyone was drinking, I was tempted. But not tempted enough to throw away the four weeks of dedication and perseverence that I have accumulated.
One of my big problems in my marriage is that my husband is an alcoholic; or at the very least, a problem drinker. He drinks every day. I never see him drunk, but he drinks every.single.day. On the weekends, he will start at noon and have several drinks throughout the day. A few years ago, he had a cancer scare, and they did a complete battery of tests and discovered that he has a fatty liver. Well, I’ve tried and tried to get him to understand the severity of this, but he has never really taken me seriously.
Our vacation only served to highlight the sheer amount of alcohol that he drinks. I drank nothing at all (because, hell yes, I’m sober!) but he started drinking around noon every day. There was one night when he and one of our friends sat by the bonfire and drank three bottles of wine. Of course, that’s after he drank all day – and when I say he drank all day, I mean that he had quite a few drinks but never drank them quickly as I would and never became a mess – until after those three bottles of wine at the bonfire. Well, last night, after we returned from vacation, I told him that we needed to talk. Our marriage has been on the rocks lately; seems like we are roommates more than partners, and part of the problem is that we don’t have a physical relationship anymore. I know he misses that. Heck, I miss that. But especially now that I’m sober, when he rolls into bed (usually after me because he likes to stay up and watch a few shows while I like to read in bed), he reeks of booze. This is NOT attractive to me, and hasn’t been for years. Last night, I told him all of this. How concerned I was for his health – he is 11 years older than me, and I want him around to see his son grow up, how I think his boozing is affecting our marriage, and how I don’t want our son to grow up thinking that drinking every day is normal. I didn’t ask him to stop, because I don’t think that’s fair. But I did ask him to cut it down.
Yesterday, he didn’t drink at all. I hope that he can keep it up. Because being sober and being married to a boozer is NOT easy.