Today is day 36, and as of late I’m finding it quite easy to string the days together. Surprisingly, the physical pull of Wolfie just hasn’t been bothering me too much lately. So of course, I think I can do this and that I don’t have to keep my guard up, right? Wrong.
Last night, I dreamt that I got completely shitfaced. And in my dream, I woke up absolutely HORRIFIED that I drank and threw away my 30-some-odd days. I was SO glad to wake up this morning knowing that it was only a bad dream.
So what does this mean? Obviously, I dreamt that I was drinking – somewhere inside I must still want that, even though I’m firmly entrenched in pink cloudedness right now, right? So, maybe that’s a sign that I need to keep my guard up?
Aside from that, I’m now reading “Drinking: A Love Story.” I can relate so much to what the author has to say about how us alcoholics use booze to self medicate and to become more interesting, witty, and fun. I’m really having a hard time finding the “Fun Jess” without wine. I know that I will slowly emerge from my shell, but right now I kind of feel like a dud. Sigh.