Bad dream last night

Today is day 36, and as of late I’m finding it quite easy to string the days together. Surprisingly, the physical pull of Wolfie just hasn’t been bothering me too much lately. So of course, I think I can do this and that I don’t have to keep my guard up, right? Wrong.

Last night, I dreamt that I got completely shitfaced. And in my dream, I woke up absolutely HORRIFIED that I drank and threw away my 30-some-odd days. I was SO glad to wake up this morning knowing that it was only a bad dream.

So what does this mean? Obviously, I dreamt that I was drinking – somewhere inside I must still want that, even though I’m firmly entrenched in pink cloudedness right now, right? So, maybe that’s a sign that I need to keep my guard up?

Aside from that, I’m now reading “Drinking: A Love Story.” I can relate so much to what the author has to say about how us alcoholics use booze to self medicate and to become more interesting, witty, and fun. I’m really having a hard time finding the “Fun Jess” without wine. I know that I will slowly emerge from my shell, but right now I kind of feel like a dud. Sigh.

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8 thoughts on “Bad dream last night

  1. Love the book, my favorite drinking book. Dry by Burroughs was a close second.

    Dreams are normal, we all have ’em from time to time. Just look at the comments here: http://byebyebeer.wordpress.com/2013/08/09/one-of-those-dreams-again/

    Unfortunately the dud feelings are normal too. Meh. Sorry. They pass though, and sounds crazy, but after a while you kind of grow grateful for them because you’ll take dud and calm and peaceful over shit-faced drama and hangovers any and every day.

    • You’re absolutely right, Christy. I like being “boring” so much better than feeling like ass and being humiliated and wondering what I did to make a complete idiot of myself:)

      As I’m typing this, I received a text message from my good friend that I was with last night, and she is currently struggling with a hangover as she was drinking wine by the boatload. Just firms my resolve to remain sober and true to myself. I like being a sober dud!

      Are you running today? I’ve been back in the gym doing some weight training this week, but the beautiful weather is really tempting me to take a nice long bike ride or run today, perhaps after church. Enjoy your Sunday!

      • Good (sober and clear-headed) morning!

        Yes ma’am, I’m running 10 today. After my 15 last Sunday, this should feel like a walk in the park.

        And I just thought about how maybe boring and calm mean the same thing. Boring has just been given a bum rap, it’s a negative connotation word. 🙂

  2. congrats on 36+ days!

    Christy beat me there to the link to BBB’s blog. There seems to be a rash of drinking dream posts this last week! I don’t know if I mention it in BBB’s blog there, but drinking dreams aren’t a precursor to a relapse or anything. They are what they are. Because I dream I fly on a blue beetle over Marrakech doesn’t mean it’s going to happen…lol. I too wake up with those horrified feelings…and then am relieved to know it was a dream. We all get them. i get them in bunches, then won’t have them for months. So breathe easy 🙂

    As for the book, yeah, like most alcoholics, it’s on the bookshelf. Most of us have read it while drinking…ha ha. But it’s a good read. I am glad you found it.

    And finally, yes, those feelings of dudness will be there for a bit…but they go, as we find more of our true nature. We aren’t going to live life like the party girl (or boy) any more. Doesn’t mean we don’t find happiness and contentedness. We just shift how we experience joy and fun. We are not a glum lot. Things aren’t revved up and ramped up like they used to be, but they are certainly more real.

    You’re doing great – keep it up 🙂

    Blessings,
    Paul

    • Thanks, Paul. Regarding the dudness, I don’t really mind it all so much when I’m with my little family, but when put in social situations where many people are drinking (and lately, believe it or not, that doesn’t bother me) I just feel like I don’t have as much to contribute to the conversation. I’m trying very hard to unlock the witty and engaging me, but I end up just clamming up and observing. Still better than drinking, though!

  3. I have drinking and smoking dreams after many years of sobriety and smoke-free. From the perspective of Carl Jung, the dreams would mean less about the actual consumption of alcohol, but more what the behavior means. Like, how I am being self-destructive in my life today, or how am I slipping back into old behaviors. Where I find validity in this approach is knowing that my drinking of alcohol is really just a symptom of refusing to live life on life’s terms.

    I really enjoy following your recovery. Keep up the fantastic work. You are doing really well!

  4. I’m on day 36 myself and have had the dreams and the same “dud” feelings! I’m always so happy when I realize it was just a dream and all of the people who were having “so much” fun the night before feel like crap today and I feel incredible! I’m loving it and I’m proud of myself for staying true to what’s best for me. Be proud of you!!!

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