What a day

Today we entertained. My aunt and uncle were in town; haven’t seen them since Christmas, and what was going to be a nice small get together turned int 20+ people at my house. No biggie. I’ve been sober for 52 days, I can handle this! But I made the mistake of inviting my father and his wife, along with my mother and her boyfriend. My parents are both wonderful people, but my mother holds a 15 year old grudge, and frankly, it’s getting old. My father left my mom for his now-wife, and my mom has been dating her boyfriend for over ten years. My aunt, who came in town, is my dad’s sister, but she has always been close to my mom – even after my parents’ divorce. My mother is the one who suggested that we all get together at the same time, as opposed to me having two different functions in order for everyone to see each other. Okay, cool. Sounds like a good plan, right?

Wrong.

I’m sober, my dad is sober, his wife is sober. My mom starts hammering down the wine, and before I know it, she is calling my dad’s wife a c*nt loud enough for everyone to hear her. Then she became all emotional when I calmly suggested that she stop drinking and have some water. I specifically told her to NOT “do this” (act like an ass) in front of dad’s wife, because it would make her look foolish and I know she wouldn’t want that. Well, too late. She made my dad feel uncomfortable, and likely upset his wife; not to mention how much she embarassed me in front of mixed company. More and more, she is self medicating with wine. It scares me, and frankly, it upsets me that she gets like this in front of my son. I know – hello pot, meet kettle. But I got sober so that my son doesn’t need to see that shit. And now that I have clarity and perspective, I want to keep him from seeing that kind of crap for as long as I can.

I’m so glad that I’m sober. SO glad.

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4 thoughts on “What a day

  1. We had a similar issue with my MIL. She’d take every family gathering and turn it into a drunk disaster. We finally told her she’s not allowed to drink around us anymore, and we won’t drink around her. If she drinks, we leave or we kick her out. She pushed the limit once, and I had to pack up my boys and leave her house (which is 10 hours away) at 4 p.m. and make the drive home.

    I’m newly sober myself — and am glad I came to the realization that I needed to stop drinking before I also started making an ass out of myself in front of the kids.

    • It’s sad – she hasn’t always been this way. My parents divorced several years ago, and she has been coping with the anger and hurt by drinking. It’s very disturbing, especially now that I see the pattern. I was doing the same – dealing with life’s stresses and tough times by numbing myself. I try to talk to her about it and I’m just seen as preachy. Not trying to be like that, but maybe I am preaching a bit. After all, I want everyone to feel as good as I do being sober and truly feeling and honoring my emotions. Congratulations on your sobriety! Isn’t it an amazing and interesting journey?

  2. Oh my goodness this makes my family seem tame by comparison. Well not tame.. but quite different although very similar (if that makes sense). I have the divorced parents, the long-held grudges, the tense gatherings, the heavy drinking. But everything is suppressed and uptight, rather than angry and in-your-face. I’d love to ask my mother not to drink so much but I wouldn’t have the guts. I know the hurt parents can cause though.. and like you I now stand in the middle of everyone thanking my lucky stars that I’m not boozing madly like I used to to deal with the emotional pain it caused. I don’t write about my parents divorce and the drinking and the psychological bullshit that went on in my childhood (and that lingers today but only a little) but it’s a big reason why I ran toward wine as a life choice. No longer. My parents shit does not define me. Nor does yours. Look forward to following along your journey xxx

    • Mrs D – thank you so much for your comment. It’s funny how many of us have similar situations…and the funny thing is, until recently, I thought to myself “Gee, all of these people have crazy family dynamics, but my family is pretty normal.” Well, the crazy is out! Seems like the people in my family have been drinking more and more, and are less and less in control. Perhaps it’s also my sober perspective – 60 days tomorrow – woo hoo!! Either way, I was so upset. My mother usually does not create a scene like that, but, well, I guess the wine got the best of her.
      Thanks again for the comment – means a lot to know that I’m not alone! Hugs

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