Today is day 100!!

Wow – here I am at 100 days.  Feels amazing!!  It’s really hard to believe that back in June, I decided to quit drinking.  And yes, I stumbled a few times, but mid-July, I just plain and simple had enough.  Here’s what I’ve learned:

– I really enjoy (and look forward to) sleeping.  I get a solid 7 hours of sleep every night and wake up feeling SO refreshed. 

– My skin looks so much healthier.  And my eyes – wow!  No more bloodshot eyes staring back at me in the mirror.

– I’m so much more productive, especially in the evenings.  If I’m really on my A game, I can even make lunches, pack my son’s book bag, and lay his clothing out for the next day.  That REALLY makes my mornings so much less stressful. 

– Big one here:  no regrets.  I don’t have that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I wake up at 3am, still in a wine induced haze, wondering who I drunk texted, what I said to my friends/family, how the hell I got into my bed, who tucked my son in, etc, etc…  This might be the biggest benefit of my 100 days of sobriety so far. 

– I am more present in EVERYTHING that I do.  from working out to doing laundry to washing my face to reading to my son to answering emails at work. 

– Just because I stopped drinking, the problems I had before in my marriage haven’t magically gone away.  If anything, they are more pronounced because I’m not drinking to ignore the fact that I’m married to my roommate. 

– I’m not necessarily any more patient than I was before, but I try very hard to slow down my emotional responses so that I’m not as reactive as I was with wine on board. 

– I’m happy.  Even though I’m now in so much more of a different place than many of my family and friends, I’m still so very happy that I did this.  I’m happy that I feel GOOD all day long. 

Some accomplishments during my 100 days:

Completed a triathlon, lost 2% body fat, can successfully do pull-ups.  These are all great physical feats, and I’ve really channeled a lot of my nervous energy (fuck you Wolfie, you can’t make me drink, but you sure as hell will drive me to kick ass at the gym) into pushing myself physically.  For the past several years, I’ve been pretty physically active, but since getting sober, I’ve accomplished feats that I never thought possible. 

Some things I still have to accomplish:

Mainly the emotional stuff.  The physical stuff is easy, relatively speaking.  But I’m still trying to learn how to communicate effectively, how to not run away from tough situations, how to be more understanding and patient, and to be the kind of person ALL THE TIME that I am SOME OF THE TIME, if that makes sense.   I really need to decide if I want to dig in, do the hard work, and fix my marriage, or if I want to continue to live in the same house and simply coexist with my husband.  He is a good man and my son deserves to grow up as part of a happy family.  I just need to get my head straight. 

Maybe those accomplishments will come in the next 100 days. 

96 days

Well, today I find myself at 96 days (thanks, Belle, for the reminder!), and I’m home sick with some weird rashy virus. It’s always interesting the crazy illnesses my 4 year old brings home from preschool. But it gives me an opportunity to tend to my blog, which I don’t do nearly as often as I’d like. I read blogs every night, but very rarely find the time to write in my own.

Sunday will be 100 days for me. In two weeks, I’m going to Las Vegas for the weekend. I had toyed with the idea of trying to moderate after my 100 days is up. Honestly, how in the hell am I going to do Las Vegas sober?? Does ANYONE do Las Vegas sober? It’s a work trip, so I guess that the biggest benefit of being sober in Vegas will be that I will be representing my company in a respectful way, and I won’t make an ass of myself in front of customers. Hubby is going with me, which will be nice, as we never ever get any time alone, but I hope that he won’t be in party mode the entire time. I don’t need that. I’m bringing workout gear and I plan to take advantage of the beautiful spa at the hotel. So, it will be an interesting challenge to experience Las Vegas sober. But I’m up for the challenge!

And speaking of challenges, I am signing up for Belle’s 180 day challenge. Why stop at 100 when I feel so great?! I think that having a goal in front of me will continue to help me stay on the right path – in fact, I think that I need that goal and focus in order to stay sober, at least at this point.

I will blog again on Sunday – I’ll do a recap of my 100 days, as many who have done the challenge have done. Even though I don’t participate very much, I do find that reading the blogs daily serves as a nice, gentle reminder as to why it’s a good idea for me to stay sober. Can’t say that I would have made it this far without all of you. Thank you so much!

Day 84 – I think!

Today is day 84, I believe. Honestly, I’m not really keeping track as well as I should be. I guess it doesn’t seem that important in the grand scheme of things. What is most important to me is maintaining my sobriety and living my life in such a way that my sobriety won’t be challenged. I’ve been put in several situations where everyone has been drinking around me – most of them work/customer events. I have to say, it’s SO liberating to be the sober chick! I have a nice time visiting with my customers, but being responsible and sober and remembering our conversations and not making an ass of myself. One big bonus – I look just as good at the end of the evening as I do when I arrive at these events. During my wine days, my eyeliner would be smudged, eyes would be bloodshot, face would be flushed, and I’d just look a hot mess. I checked myself out in my rearview mirror on my way home from this evening’s event, and my eye makeup was perfect! Yes, I know it seems trivial, but seriously, when I thought that drinking made me attractive, I don’t know what the heck I was thinking!

Still trying to find more patience. My almost 5 year old son is SO challenging. Such a strong willed, busy, and sassy kid. Most times, he is a darling. But he is also extremely smart, and he challenges me often. I have found myself too many times snapping and yelling at him, not just “A***** M******, stop it right now,” but “YOU ARE MAKING ME FREAKING CRAZY!!!” Then, he looks at me and starts to cry and tells me that I’m frightening him. Prior to getting sober, I’d just have a glass of wine, and stop giving a shit that he was pushing my buttons. Now, I can feel the anxiety rising in me, and I just can’t help myself sometimes. I feel like a TERRIBLE mother. I know, sober mom is better than drunk mom, but I wish I could find a way to deal better. I have always had a fairly quick temper, and I have a very strong personality too, so my son and I definitely clash. But as soon as we clash, we also make up and we are probably closer than anyone else in our home. We are two peas in a pod, as he likes to say. Two peas in a pod that make each other crazy!