Day 84 – I think!

Today is day 84, I believe. Honestly, I’m not really keeping track as well as I should be. I guess it doesn’t seem that important in the grand scheme of things. What is most important to me is maintaining my sobriety and living my life in such a way that my sobriety won’t be challenged. I’ve been put in several situations where everyone has been drinking around me – most of them work/customer events. I have to say, it’s SO liberating to be the sober chick! I have a nice time visiting with my customers, but being responsible and sober and remembering our conversations and not making an ass of myself. One big bonus – I look just as good at the end of the evening as I do when I arrive at these events. During my wine days, my eyeliner would be smudged, eyes would be bloodshot, face would be flushed, and I’d just look a hot mess. I checked myself out in my rearview mirror on my way home from this evening’s event, and my eye makeup was perfect! Yes, I know it seems trivial, but seriously, when I thought that drinking made me attractive, I don’t know what the heck I was thinking!

Still trying to find more patience. My almost 5 year old son is SO challenging. Such a strong willed, busy, and sassy kid. Most times, he is a darling. But he is also extremely smart, and he challenges me often. I have found myself too many times snapping and yelling at him, not just “A***** M******, stop it right now,” but “YOU ARE MAKING ME FREAKING CRAZY!!!” Then, he looks at me and starts to cry and tells me that I’m frightening him. Prior to getting sober, I’d just have a glass of wine, and stop giving a shit that he was pushing my buttons. Now, I can feel the anxiety rising in me, and I just can’t help myself sometimes. I feel like a TERRIBLE mother. I know, sober mom is better than drunk mom, but I wish I could find a way to deal better. I have always had a fairly quick temper, and I have a very strong personality too, so my son and I definitely clash. But as soon as we clash, we also make up and we are probably closer than anyone else in our home. We are two peas in a pod, as he likes to say. Two peas in a pod that make each other crazy!

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7 thoughts on “Day 84 – I think!

  1. Ah Jessie, you’re not a terrible mom. We all get our buttons pushed by our kids and being the humans that we are, we get mad sometimes. It will all be OK. 🙂

  2. I have a three and a six year old and I feel the same way…a lot. Sober mothers of the world unite – we will find our patience one of these days! 🙂

  3. I’ve had moments with my boys too. Not so pleasant ones…and this is even a few months ago. I think any parent, drunk, sober, whatever, gets these moments of feeling they are not good enough, or screwing the kids up, etc. I do, for sure. But we are doing the best we can, and yes, we are learning to live life differently, and that includes parenting. I don’t have the parenting answers, but I talk to others who have experience in it, and it helps. You’re doing great, and the kids test us. It’s how we respond, and sometimes we are tired, cranky, etc. ourselves. It gets better, but it doesn’t mean we have our moments.

    Congrats on your sober time…whatever it is 🙂

    Paul

    • Thank you, Paul – it’s good to hear that I’m not monster mom – even when I feel like it! I had these images of sobriety where everything
      Was sunshine and roses and that I would be as virtuous as a saint. Um, no. That isn’t my reality. My lack of patience still exists, and I am still stubborn and hard headed. Just now, I am figuring out ways to deal with those traits.

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