Relapse and refocus

I relapsed. Not a hot mess, drunk as a skunk, acting ridiculous type relapse. But since hitting my 100 days, I’ve drank probably on five or six occasions. Justified my actions by being proud that I didnt get too drunk. But really, what the hell was I thinking?

Yesterday was my son’s 5th birthday. We had lunch at a restaurant after church with our friends and their two kids, my sister and my mom. For some reason I felt like I deserved a glass of wine with lunch, which really ended up being two glasses. Then my girlfriend brought wine back to our house, where our family was joining us for cake and ice cream. Of course I had more wine. But I paced myself – I drank sparkling water between glasses. Yay me!

As the day went on I became more and more disgusted with myself. My son’s birthday was overshadowed by drinking. What the hell? And as I think more and more about it, as I have let my sobriety go, I have also stopped taking care of myself in other ways. Gym? Not much. Healthy eating? Hardly. Relationship with hubby? Not great. When I toe the line with my sobriety, everything else falls into place. When I don’t, I’m a hot mess.

I am pulling myself together now before my life turns into a shit show. I reached out to Belle so that I can do another 100 day challenge. I’m texting a sober buddy to be accountable. I’m going to get my ass back in the gym because I always feel better when I work out. I will blog more often. It keeps me on the right track.

Day one. Again.

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15 thoughts on “Relapse and refocus

  1. Hi SoberJessie,
    I was only on day 27 when I “decided” to change my mind and drink on Friday. Which became Saturday and Sunday, too. I restarted my 100 days today and today is my day one. We are in this together! Don’t beat yourself up. I think the most important thing is catching yourself and realizing you need to get back on track, and then acting on it. Which you are doing. Good work! The 100 days you did are certainly not lost and neither are my 27… they are still there as a foundation for further success. You have come so far and have been an inspiration to me in your posts. Keep it up!
    xo
    girlonthelearn

    • Hey there, girlonthelearn – I haven’t been too active on my blog, but I’m back and I’m on day 3. The holidays kind of messed me up, but I’m bound and determined to make 2014 my year of sobriety. How are you doing?

      • So far, so good. Day 6 for me today. The holidays are super tough. The whole month of December was starts and stops for me. 2014 is going to be a better year! Something about January makes it feel easier, more people are resting up. Take good care of yourself and glad you’re back!

  2. You’ve done it once, you know that sobriety works for you, you know how to do it, so I’m sure you’ll have no problem getting back on it.

    It’s so interesting, I keep turning over the idea of drinking again at some future point over and over in my mind, and I can’t quite imagine NOT having a relapse at some point. This scares me.

    What you’ve found is that you get huge benefits out of being sober, and learnt from relapising that drinking perhaps really isn’t for you, and that is so valuable. Use that knowledge for your next 100 day challenge 🙂

    • Thank you for your kind words! I’m happy that my relapse was minimal and that I was able to learn from it. I feel really confident right now that I’m not going to drink any time soon. Being sober feels too damn good:)

  3. Glad you’re back, Jessie. It doesn’t take long for the beast to get back into full gear. Recognising it the way you did and seeing already the impact it’s having (no gym, poor eating, etc) let alone the downward spiral effect later on (drunks, etc) is wise of you, methinks.

    Welcome back 🙂

    Paul

  4. Pingback: Relapse | FitFatFood- Blogging to Stay Sober

  5. Great incentive to stay sober again–you tried it and saw that it wasn’t for you anymore. I think this can only help in your resolve, and ultimately, acceptance that for now–and that “now” might be 100 days, might be 6 months, might be 1 year or 2 or more–you can’t drink. You don’t want to, even though you “want” to. Remember: it just gets easier and easier to say no the longer you go, especially once you get a solid few months past 100 days. Welcome back–we are always here, no matter what you choose to do! xx

    • Thanks for your kind words, DDG! I’m always really inspired by your posts, and I can relate to a lot of what you have to say. Thank you for sharing your sober journey with me:)

  6. I did a hot mess relapse on both occassions that I choose to drink in the last 5 months. I was so angry, tired of myself and my difficult relationship with the hubby, that I justified my sucking down way too much beer & wine (with teenage kids to witness the end of the night – UGH). Good for you to recognize what was going on before it went too far. Take care of you! 🙂 Hugs.

  7. Hi Jessie…
    Forward.
    Love,
    Christy

    PS– look into what meetings you have available around you. AA/Smart/WFS … it may help having some local, and in the flesh, sober people to share with.

    • Thank you, Christy! I’ve struggled over the holiday and actually gave myself permission to drink. Yes, dangerous, but I am recommitted to my sobriety and I’m excited to be on day 3.

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