Day One

Well, here I am, for the umpteenth time, at day one.  I just can’t seem to make this sobriety thing stick.  And the sad thing is, I don’t even really enjoy drinking anymore.  I start to believe that a glass of wine would be nice, I go through a ridiculous “should I or shouldn’t I” struggle, I cave, and then I drink.  And really, I’ve been moderating nicely.  But I just don’t like the way I act when I drink and the way I feel the next day, even if it’s only a couple glasses of wine.  I just can’t tolerate it anymore.  But if I don’t like it, why the hell do I keep doing it?? 

I’m away at a business conference, and I drank four glasses of wine last night.  Thank goodness, I had a large dinner and so didn’t get too sloshy, didn’t make an ass of myself or say anything inappropriate.  But I slept like absolute shit.  I slept on and off for about five hours, woke up, ran 3 miles and went to my sales meetings.  At noon, the guys all went golfing, and I was left with a free afternoon before the cocktail reception and dinner this evening, so I drove to the Adirondacks and spent the day in a cute little town having lunch and window shopping.  It was nice.  A little lonely, but nice nonetheless.  This evening, I didn’t drink at our cocktail reception and dinner, but I felt SO socially awkward.  I have a really hard time making small talk, and I feel like a bumbling idiot when I try.  I really wanted just one glass of wine to loosen me up a bit and to fit in.  When the hell does it get easier to mingle without alcohol?