Day 6

My food issues are coming to the forefront again now that I’m not leaning on wine as a crutch. Why is it that I never feel satisfied?? What is this ridiculous need to consume MORE, when I don’t even feel hunger? For as long as I can remember, I’ve had issues with food. Am I being served enough? Is someone else’s portion larger? Will there be ENOUGH for everyone (me mostly)? I don’t even enjoy food, really. I eat quickly – I’m always first to clean my plate. And I’m EXACTLY like that with wine. Why did you pour her more than me?? Do we have ENOUGH? Why is she drinking that SO slowly? Is it rude to ask for a refill so quickly?

What is this all about? It is so mentally exhausting.

Day 6, no booze. I don’t even seem to be struggling with the not drinking, it’s the food issue that is really wreaking havoc with my brain.

Wish I could just be normal.

Day Three…again

Happy Saturday night!  I’m back, and this time, I’m serious.  I’ve stopped and started so many times that I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to string a significant number of sober days together, but this time, I think it’s different.  My husband sees how fucked up my relationship with wine is, and he, who is a daily drinker, has decided to jump on the wagon with me.  This is our third evening without alcohol, and last night we hosted a party (already planned) and stayed sober together, despite the fact that we were serving wine and beer.  I am truly moved that my husband would do this for me.  Since we’ve been together (12 years), I’ve only experienced him not drinking maybe two or three days (when he’s been really sick).  I do think that my several attempts at sobriety, as well as my 100+ day stint on Belle’s challenge, has opened his eyes a bit, and he has seen how much better I am when I’m sober.  Maybe he thinks he can find the same love for waking up sober as I have?

I’m happy to see that it will be above zero degrees tomorrow (heat wave of aboug 35 degrees forecasted for tomorrow morning!) so that I can go for a run:)  HAPPY SOBER SATURDAY!  xo