Day 6

My food issues are coming to the forefront again now that I’m not leaning on wine as a crutch. Why is it that I never feel satisfied?? What is this ridiculous need to consume MORE, when I don’t even feel hunger? For as long as I can remember, I’ve had issues with food. Am I being served enough? Is someone else’s portion larger? Will there be ENOUGH for everyone (me mostly)? I don’t even enjoy food, really. I eat quickly – I’m always first to clean my plate. And I’m EXACTLY like that with wine. Why did you pour her more than me?? Do we have ENOUGH? Why is she drinking that SO slowly? Is it rude to ask for a refill so quickly?

What is this all about? It is so mentally exhausting.

Day 6, no booze. I don’t even seem to be struggling with the not drinking, it’s the food issue that is really wreaking havoc with my brain.

Wish I could just be normal.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Day 6

  1. I am sorry to hear that you are having issues with food… it sounds tough. Good job with six days of not drinking, though! That is great, and something to be proud of!

  2. Hi Soberjessie! I stopped on jan 3, after a year plus relapse preceded by 2.5 years sober. I read most of your blog the other day, we’ve a lot in common and I’m glad you’re here. We can both do this!

    Hugs,

    SR

  3. Jessie, congratulations on Day 6.

    I was some 20 years or more sober before I fully understood the food issue – not that it is some great mystery, just that it took me a long time to put 2 + 2 together. In a nutshell, I consume food the same way I consumed alcohol and the same way I consumed nicotine, and so forth.

    About 7 years ago I was standing in the kitchen listening to my wife talking to our daughter on the phone. I got enough of the conversation that I could tell she had been physically assaulted by a relative. I was furious but there was nothing I could do at that second because I was a three hour drive away. There was a package of cookies on the counter. I realized that within that 10 minute phone conversation, I ate the entire pack of cookies. If I were not sober from alcohol and drugs it would have been a bottle of wine I would have consumed. When I began to really examine my use of food, I realized that I ate as an addict long before I drank. When I was just a small child, I remember how i would move a stool over to a counter in the kitchen and climb up to get at the sugar cannister and would just shovel scoops of sugar in my mouth. In grade school I was quite a petty thief and shoplifter, but I never and I mean never stole money from my mother’s purse or shoplifted anything but food.

    I have come to understand that I can numb myself out so I don’t feel with food as well as alcohol. When I quite drinking and got sober, I weighed 165 lbs. My top sober weight is over 250 lbs. My ideal weight is around 200.

    For myself, I have come to understand that all of my addictions come down to my refusal to live life on life’s terms. I recall for many years in AA, when the issue of food or other addictions like nicotine were raised, folks would respond that this is Alcoholics Anonymous, not Overeaters Anonymous – or things like “I came to AA to stop drinking, not to get holy” and so on and so forth. I have come to believe that such thinking is a detriment to my recovery. I got abstinent from nicotine some 15 plus years ago. I continue to struggle with my food addiction. For me, I have come to see them all as pretty much the same.

  4. I struggle with the same issues. I literally just posted on my blog (winecoloredmemories.blogspot.com) about hiding in the kitchen eating a hefty slice of chocolate cake at 4:30 pm.

    I oscillate back and forth between overeating, over drinking or overspending. Sometimes, I might even hit a trifecta with all three. I guess that’s just part and parcel of an addictive personality.

    Congrats on Day 6! I just found a new blog written by a woman who is reclaiming sobriety after a relapse. You might like it – sobrietyrising.blogspot.com

    Best wishes and I look forward to hearing more about your journey.

  5. How are you? I’m on day 11! Thinking about you. I quit smoking and drinking on the same day. Hoping to keep it up as I don’t want to disappoint my son. Keep us posted!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s