Dreaded Dreams

It’s been a while since I’ve dreamed that I drank and then woke up in a dead panic, but it happened last night.  I actually consider that to be a good thing, though, as it tells me that I’m actually very serious about my sobriety this go around.  When I successfully completed Belle’s 100 day challenge back in 2013, I had similar dreams, and always panicked both in the dream and when I woke up.  But since then, when I stopped focusing so much on staying sober, I’ve dreamt about drinking and it hasn’t really concerned me.  But this time, it did.  This time, maybe it will stick.

Tonight, I’ve been invited to my very good friend’s house for a winter party, complete with fireworks, bonfire, and sledding for the kiddies.  My son and her son are in kindergarten together and are best buddies, so he is excited.  I already told her that I’m not drinking, and she sounded disappointed.  I’ve hinted around to her in the past that I have issues with my off switch, but have never come right out and told her that I’m an alcoholic.  Her and I have only recently become friends, and my husband and I adore her and her husband, and much of our summer/fall last year was spent at their beautiful lake house sipping wine on the patio.  She also knows that I’m a runner, and the timing works out perfectly, because tomorrow morning is the start of my training runs for the 10 mile “Mountain Goat Run” that I’m doing in May. So, instead of getting into the sticky conversation about WHY I’m not drinking, I’ve simply told her that Mountain Goat training starts tomorrow.  So…we shall see how that goes.

Honestly, I’m not even overly excited about going tonight, as there are a couple of women going who I’ve met before that are very arrogant, and without my crutch, it will be even more difficult to face them.  But my friend really wants me to go, and my son definitely wants to see his son, so I suppose we will go.

On a different note, how amazing does it feel to wake up SOBER on a Saturday morning??  This feeling NEVER gets old!!


4 thoughts on “Dreaded Dreams

  1. Yes, that great feeling of waking up sober is the reward or payoff for being true to oneself and not being concerned about the arrogant folks, but also thinking how good of a time your son is going to have.

    I have consistently found that doing things for the first time sober can be a huge issue for me, but with experience, like riding a bicycle, it gets easier and easier through time. I also find that I tend to hang out less with folks who will make fun of me or deride my bicycle riding abilities, as it were.

    • I seem to notice as well that when sober, I don’t care as much if you make fun of my bicycle riding abilities – it’s when I’m drinking that I’m most anxiety ridden.

  2. Dreams are just movies in our head. Like, most kids have dreams of flying … don’t mean they’re gonna go do that tomorrow eh?

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