Disappointment

I was so excited about having a sober and kickass birthday celebration, and while I had a lovely weekend leading up to my birthday, and a great start to my birthday (sweet cards from my son and husband first thing in the morning), it ended terribly.

The plan all along was for my mom to make her famous homemade chicken pot pie and chocolate cake, and to have my sister and her boyfriend over for a small, low key family dinner.  They know I’m not drinking but I’ve always been rather permissive if they want to drink.  I guess I figured since it was a Monday night, it would be mellow.

wrong.

i picked my mom up on my way home from work, since she had a lot of dishes to bring over, mad when I got there, she had been drinking a beer.  Alone.   Really?  I never knew my mom to do that.   Ah well, whatever, she is retired now, I guess if she wants a beer, she can have a beer.  So, we get to my house, get my car unloaded of two chicken pot pies, a cake, a six year old and ALL the stuff he brings to school.  I straighten up a bit before my sister arrives and think of how nice the evening is going to be.   At that instant, my mom asks if I have any wine.   I had an unopened bottle of white table wine (ick!) and gave her a glass.  Then my sister and her boyfriend show up, whit a half case of beer.  They all start drinking and basically have their own little party.   And, I’m pretty sure my sisters boyfriend was on coke.   I had to force them to sit down to dinner and they barely ate.  Just kept drinking.  And then nobody really wanted birthday cake.  It was basically an afterthought.

my son is just starting to read, and he wanted to read a book to my mother.  She sat next to him, bombed, as he read to her.   She praised him, slurring her words, and my heart just fucking broke.  I don’t want my son to remember his grandmother as a drunk.  She was just diagnosed with atrial fibrillation, and drinking is a huge risk factor.   I know I can’t make her change.  But I can be upset about it all.

i could not stop crying this morning.   Overly sensitive?  Sure.  But even my husband recognized what a shit show it was last night, and he isn’t the most sensitive guy.

And of course today I’m eating my body weight in chocolate because I’m feeling down.  Because THAT always helps.

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20 thoughts on “Disappointment

  1. I’m sorry your birthday turned out like that.
    It is nice to know you have an intuitive hubby and sounds like a wonderful son.

    They are the important ones. And I bet they loved having a sober birthday.

    Happy birthday!

    Anne

    • Thanks, Anne, for your kind words. I think my disappointment stems from the feeling that I’m drifting further and further from my mom. We’ve always been so close and over the past few years, something has changed. It’s hard to explain, but seems like last night just magnified that feeling.
      But you’re right, my little family is what matters most. Thanks again:)

  2. Happy birthday. You’re doing great, and that is the most important thing. Yes it’s sad if your son noticed his Grandma drunk, but you can’t control her, only yourself. Keep the focus on you. Sending love x

  3. Oh that is so not fair!! My family would never do that me. I got angry with my sisters for having 2 glasses of wine at my dad’s 70th … that was silly of me, but they would never do something like that on my birthday. I think you have every right to feel upset. So sorry that happened, perhaps it was just one of those lessons we have to endure. Look how strong and determined you are. I am coming to realise we can’t control others and ww can’t let others actions upset us. But easier said than done at times! Keep smiling x

    • Thank you, I hate to sound like I’m whining (“it’s my birthday, pay attention to me”) because it does kind of sound like that. I guess I’m just a little overly emotional these days. But, still sober:)

  4. Oh man, I’m sorry to hear that. I understand you not wanting your son to remember his grandma in a negative way but it’s more important to have him love and remember the sober you. Your sister & her boyfriends’s behavior was not cool. I’ll eat a boat load of chocolate too so you know someone else is by your side and if I could bring you a cake and sing happy birthday, I would! Let’s make this our birthday month!!!

  5. Happy birthday! I’m sorry your family was shitty. I live across the country from my family, which makes things easier, but they continue drinking around me, and I’ve had to realize nothing I do is going to stop that. It’s amazing, however, that you are setting a sober example for your son, and I agree with other commenters that that’s what’s really important. Hope this cloud passes and you feel better soon.

    • Yes, it’s my son that is my continuous reminder to stay sober. When I think of the example I want to be for him, it’s a sober, level headed mom who models healthy habits. I don’t ever want him to see me drunk again. Thank you for your kind words!

  6. At least you didn’t drink!!! And, you got to see how the other half lives–and why you don’t want to live like that anymore. I remember having to really get used to “socializing” with drunk people while I was sober, because I realized that like the old me, I wasn’t there for them, I was really there for the drinking. I’m sorry your day got ruined, but you didn’t drink and you got to see why–that’s awesome, right? HUGS!

    • Yes, DDG, I’m thrilled that I didn’t drink. Seeing them sloppy actually repulsed me. And great point – when drunk, we are not there for the people in our lives, we are there for the bottle. Thank you for the gift of perspective! Xo

  7. Take good care of yourself Jessie. To Thine Own Self Be True!

  8. Chocolate = running fuel. 🙂

    Sober Jess = happy son and happy Jess and eventually happy everyone else.

    You gave yourself the gift of sobriety for your birthday. You sober badass you.

  9. Give it time. They are doing their thing and you have to do yours.

  10. Oh, I am so sorry your birthday evening turned into you having to coordinate inconsiderate people. It was painful to read about your mom slurring as your son shared a book with her—partly because I’ve done that and never want to again. You have every right to be upset, and please also be so proud of yourself. Your sweet son is lucky to have you. Big high five for staying sober. 🙂

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