“I like me”

I don’t know exactly how it’s come about, but I’ve found this sense of complete and total acceptance of myself, and I know for sure that it wouldn’t have ever come about without getting sober.  I feel so content just being me, not worrying about measuring up, not worrying about having the latest and greatest, the nicest house, the newest handbag, the smallest waist, the most fashionable clothing.  I don’t worry if I’m the smartest in the group, the most polished, the most witty, the prettiest.  I don’t worry if my child is the brightest or most athletic, if my husband is the most successful, or if my dogs are the most well behaved (thank goodness!).  In the immortal words of Del Griffith (“Planes, Trains, and Automobiles”), I like me. I’m just truly fucking thrilled with the place I am right now.

Now, that’s not to say that I don’t have my struggles.  OH BOY, do I have my struggles!  Making ends meet to pay A’s tuition, reining in my anger sometimes so that I can parent in a caring, compassionate manner instead of a punishing, cold manner.  Igniting the spark in my marriage when full time job, full time mom, housekeeper, short order cook, etc, all comes first.  Worrying that maybe I’m not exercising as much as I should, or eating as healthily as I should, or reading enough to my son, or walking the dogs enough, or working hard enough at work, or keeping the house as clean as I should, or neglecting friendships that I shouldn’t but that I just can’t seem to make enough time for….yes….I have these struggles, and more.   But I’ve come to accept them, to keep from letting them distract me from the most important thing, which is being present in the beautiful life that I’ve been blessed with, and accepting the bad with the good.   And honestly, I owe it all to being sober.  What an amazing gift it is!

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9 thoughts on ““I like me”

  1. Jessie, I just read your blog from start to finish and I could have sworn they were my words. The similarities are unnervingly uncanny, in one sense i don’t feel so “alone” in my drinking thinking.. in another I realise just how much booze can grab a hold of the most well intentioned people. I’m on day 4 again after a stop, start, stop, start entry into sobriety from May 2014 to date. Please keep writing and inspiring.

    • Millie, thank you for your comment. I think that there is always that niggling voice in the back of my mind that says “oh, ONE won’t hurt” but I think I’m finally starting to realize that it’s such a slippery slope for me.

      • Ugh….. I did it again. I try but damn it.. hubby owns a bar, we live above it. Yeah,difficult. day one again for me, having said that, very proud of you. I may be limping but I’m not far behind you xx

  2. Ahhh What a great inspirational post. I am still working on re-discovering and accepting new me is… I don’t know if I even like it yet, my new me. I read you post, and thought to myself “Hell yah, I am going to get there as well. One day at a time!”

  3. This all just sounds fantastic. Congratulations!

  4. Hooray! I smiled reading this and relate so much. There will always be crap in all of our lives and ways we screw up or do dumb stuff … but taking away all of the crappy, dumb drinking-related stuff makes the normal junk seem so much more manageable. I’m so happy to hear how happy you are.

  5. I love this post so much!!! I’ve missed a few posts because of a hectic week but reading this post made me realize I’m feeling like I’m loving me too. What a cool place or state of mind to be in. You loving yourself makes it easy for your hubby and son to love you harder and to love you more. You go girl!!!

    • You know, I went back and read this, and it sounds so cheesy! But its true, I just feel like I’m in a really good spot right now, and I guess I feel like shouting it from the roof tops. I know that things come up that threaten to dissipate my pink cloud, but drinking them away never works. It only makes things that much worse. I’m glad I’m finally figuring this out.

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