I relapsed. Not a hot mess, drunk as a skunk, acting ridiculous type relapse. But since hitting my 100 days, I’ve drank probably on five or six occasions. Justified my actions by being proud that I didnt get too drunk. But really, what the hell was I thinking?
Yesterday was my son’s 5th birthday. We had lunch at a restaurant after church with our friends and their two kids, my sister and my mom. For some reason I felt like I deserved a glass of wine with lunch, which really ended up being two glasses. Then my girlfriend brought wine back to our house, where our family was joining us for cake and ice cream. Of course I had more wine. But I paced myself – I drank sparkling water between glasses. Yay me!
As the day went on I became more and more disgusted with myself. My son’s birthday was overshadowed by drinking. What the hell? And as I think more and more about it, as I have let my sobriety go, I have also stopped taking care of myself in other ways. Gym? Not much. Healthy eating? Hardly. Relationship with hubby? Not great. When I toe the line with my sobriety, everything else falls into place. When I don’t, I’m a hot mess.
I am pulling myself together now before my life turns into a shit show. I reached out to Belle so that I can do another 100 day challenge. I’m texting a sober buddy to be accountable. I’m going to get my ass back in the gym because I always feel better when I work out. I will blog more often. It keeps me on the right track.
Day one. Again.